


Gently We Flow

by witch_bitch98



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst mostly, Fake Marriage, First Proper Fic, M/M, Post Season 1, all that cia stuff didnt happen, but todd is still sick, i honestly have no clue what i am doing, idk what this is gonna end up being, though eventual fluff i hope, very inaccurate interpretation of visa laws probs, y'all know where this is going
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-21 00:24:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9522806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witch_bitch98/pseuds/witch_bitch98
Summary: In the hope of securing cheap health care for Todd, Dirk has an unorthodox proposal...





	1. Dizzy Spells

Todd feels oddly content as he steps out of the bathroom. With his sister gone, no job, and an apartment that’s more like a disaster site than a home, he was expecting to feel nauseas, or heavy with worry. But if the past weeks had taught him anything, it’s that shit works out the way it’s supposed to do, and there is very little you can to change it. It helps to elevate some of the guilt. For the moment, anyway. And the grim future he had seen for himself this time last month was fading. Dirk Gently had brought a lot of crap into his life, but at least he brought the one thing Todd needed. Hope.

  
The burning starts in his hands. At first it’s just a warm tingling sensation in his palms, then it intensifies to white hot pain. He looks down at his hands in panic, and as he sees the burns beginning to spread the pain triples. He collapses to the ground, and he thinks he might be screaming. He isn’t sure, but as the burns peel across his face he doesn’t really give a damn. Then he feels hands on him, shaking him, and faintly hears panicked voices calling his name. But the pain is all his brain can focus on, as it wracks his whole body. Then it becomes too much, and the white-hot pain leads him to a murky dark pool of unconsciousness.

****

The first thing Todd feels when he wakes up his dread. He knows his skin will be worthless now. He’s surprised that he’s even alive after being so completely engulfed in flames. Then it’s confusion, because as his eyes focus he realises firstly that he is not in a hospital, but in a regular bedroom, and secondly that his skin is perfectly unharmed. Then the confusion dissipates, and the dread returns. But this is a different, deeper dread. He sits up slowly, trying to work out where he is. This isn’t his apartment, and he’s pretty sure Farah lives at the Spring house now. And this place is fancy, but not Spring fancy. So it must be-  
“Ah! Todd! You’re awake, fantastic. How are you feeling?”

  
Dirk was standing rather awkwardly in the doorway, hands in his pockets. Of course.  
“Not great I’ll be honest. What happened, how did I get here?”  
“Well, you started screaming in the café, and then passed out. Farah helped me bring you here, I figured your apartment wasn’t really an option, what with the chaos and destruction.”  
Todd nodded, but looked away, staring instead out of the window, still trying to process. The disease. The fucking disease. Just as the universe appeared to be finally moving in his favour (sort of), it flips the tables on him. It’s practically ironic, and clearly some form of punishment for the years of lying and stealing money from- well almost everyone. His head falls into his hands, and it’s all he can do not to start screaming again.

  
“It’s the disease, isn’t it? The disease Amanda’s got.” Dirk’s voice was gentler now, and with a sense of real concern. Todd just nods again. He doesn’t have the strength to do anything else. Dirk take a deep breath, then his tone returns to its usual chirpiness. “Well, Amanda found a cure, well more of a solution. We simply have to find one for you! I’m going to make some tea, do want some? Or would you rather sleep some more…?” Todd lifted his head and glanced at Dirk. He had this smile on his face, like he’d just found another case. It occurred to Todd that it would have perhaps pissed him off, but it was as if he didn’t even have the strength for it. (And a small part of him was ecstatic that someone who knew what a dick he was, still cared) (But he pushed that away before it bloomed into emotions he didn’t know what to do with). He then stood up.

  
Clearly too fast however, as the room started to spin and he could feel himself falling towards the floor and he braced himself for the impact- that didn’t come. Dirk, somehow, had crossed the room fast enough to catch him before he hit the floor.  
“Whoa there now, don’t pass out on me again. Without Farah here, there’s no telling how panicky I’d get!” Dirk helped Todd onto the bed, into an upright position. “Take your time, you’ve been lying horizontally for almost two days. I’ll put the kettle on, come through when you’re ready.”


	2. A Proposal

“So, Todd, I’ve been thinking.”

Todd sipped his tea tentatively, trying to keep is breathing steady and not think about karma or the fucked-up irony of the universe. He glanced up at his friend, who despite his best attempt to convey nonchalance, exuded anxiety. Todd raised his eyebrows.

“That’s always dangerous.”

Dirk gave a short sharp laugh, though his expression held little humour.

“Well I’ve been trying to think up solutions. To our- your problem.”

“And?”

“Well, you could join Amanda with Rowdy Three, who’s ability seems to be effective in keeping the symptoms of this, particular ailment, at bay. But, considering your current relationship with your sister that seems unwise. The nature of our work means that there will most likely be no steady income, so paying for medication will simply be impossible- honestly your healthcare system sucks- so we would have no way of treating you.” Dirk stopped, at last, for a breath. Then – “So I think we should get married.”

Todd was unfortunate enough to have taken a sip of tea at these words, a sip that was now all over the table.

“We should what??”

Dirk wouldn’t look him in the eye. “Well… if we were married you could be eligible for British citizenship, and so if we moved there you could get the free healthcare. We- you can treat your disease and we can still solve cases together in England trust me! Unless you don’t want to solve cases anymore I mean in your current situation that would be completely understandable. Either way, after six months or so, so long as you have a job, we can get a divorce and you can get a work visa so you can continue to receive free medication.”

Todd’s brain screeched to a halt as he attempted to process what Dirk had just proposed. Proposed! Ha! Literally! It was crazy! Right? Well it could be a solution. But it couldn’t be that simple, could it? Plus, getting married? How far would they have to go to prove their marriage legitimate enough? Todd had had enough of lying to last a lifetime, but if it could save him then surely one more lie wold not be so bad? (And would it really be a lie?) Todd pushed that thought out of his mind, and instead tried to come up with another solution. There must be another way.

“I know it sounds crazy, but I don’t see any other way.” Dirk’s voice had become more gentle now, and Todd was truck with how little he deserved this person’s, in fact any person’s, kindness.

“I couldn’t let you sacrifice your life here for me Dirk.” Todd said slowly.

“Look, to be honest, there’s some nasty CIA stuff brewing at the moment that I would quite like to avoid. A trip back home for half a year or so would be ideal for waiting for it all to blow over. So, this would benefit us both.” Dirk stood and went to fetch a cloth to mop up the spilled tea.

“Trust me! I have a hunch!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for reading, and for the lovely comments and kudos! Sorry this is such a short update, i'm really swamped with school work atm but hopefully next week will be a bit longer! Thanks again!  
> -Emily


	3. It's Totally Green Card Dude

It’s just a few words. Just a piece of paper. Just a legal thing. It doesn’t mean anything.

 

Todd repeated the words to himself, running them through his head like a litany.

 

It doesn’t mean anything.

 

(Unless you want it to)

 

Todd quickly pushed that thought away. It kept resurfacing, more and more everyday as _that_ day came closer. But there was too much happening to properly consider it now.

 

(At least that’s what he kept telling himself)

 

In fairness, a lot _was_ happening. Dirk was actually doing most of it, organising their move, booking a slot at the registry office and applying for the proper visas. Todd couldn’t really leave the house. He had tried in the first couple days, but they had ended with either blacking out, or in one case sobbing into Dirk’s shoulder as he was tenderly and practically carried home. They didn’t talk about the attacks much. Neither of them wanted to dwell on them. Whenever Todd tried to bring it up, Dirk would shrug him off saying something along the lines of “We’ll have a cure for you soon so it doesn’t matter”.

 

All Todd really had to do was call his sister and his parents to let them know he was moving. He didn’t give them the full truth, just that he was moving for a change of scenery, and in hope of better work prospects. Which wasn’t exactly a lie. He hoped.

 

But Amanda deserved the full truth.

 

“So, you’re going to marry Dirk?”

                                                                                                                                                      

Todd could feel the colour staining his cheeks as his sister surmised the situation in her usual blunt manner. Invisible hands seemed to be grabbing at his throat, and he wanted more than anything to hang up and throw the phone out of the closest window.

“Um...yeah. Pretty much.” his voice was strained, betraying his anxiety over this reaction. He had been running scenarios through his head all week, and none of them ended well. And they certainly weren't in any way close to the reality. Todd had to pull the phone away from his ear to protect his hearing as Amanda practically screamed in joy.

 

“I fucking knew it man!! And Farah doubted me! Dude you just won me ten bucks!”

 

Todd didn't think it was possible for his face to get any warmer, and yet here we were.

 

“Well it's a green card marriage, for practical reasons so I can get free health care. We’re not… y’know…” Todd trailed off and coughed awkwardly. Amanda just laughed.

 

“Are you sure about that Todd?” He could practically feel her raised eyebrows through the phone line.

“Well anyway, I Am very happy for you and Dirk, and good luck in England. And before you ask - yes, I'll be fine, and no, I will not come with you. It would be weird to bring your sister on your honeymoon.”

 

Todd rolled his eyes. “Are you sure? You could get medication too, without a looming CIA threat.”

  
Amanda sighed. “Look Todd you have your methods of dealing with this, I have mine. I hope yours works out.”

 

And with that she hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! So this is a little longer than last time, but still not very long, so I'm sorry about that! This is actually as far as I have planned out at the moment so the next chapter will be a surprise to us all!
> 
> Thanks again for the kudos! Please let me know what you think in the comments, either always make my day!
> 
> -Emily


End file.
